Looking back...

Yeah, the burst of energy from last night is gone and I feel the same as I have for the last month. I miss you Cody. When you and I were first getting to know each other, we were talking about how annoying it was when somebody said "I can't live without you" even though they'd be doing it for years. So, I always made sure to NEVER say it to you, just because that's how I was.
And I clearly CAN live without you, I've been doing it for a little over a month. And for the last two months of 2010. Because you weren't yourself then....


But I hate it. When we first got together, I really didn't think it would last long or amount to anything serious. Not because I doubted the feelings I had for you, but because of who we were. We both had stuff going on, and all odds were against us pretty much. Our worlds were different, and your world hated me. :P
At Marcus' funeral, I was standing outside by the car. You came over and you were smoking, and you asked for a hug. I said if you quit smoking, yes, I'd hug you. And you said "Forever?" And I start yes. You said "Fine. But let's just start with right now." And I said ok, and I hugged you.
As soon as we started to walk back inside, you said "Wait, I have to get something." And I said "You're going to smoke aren't you?" And you just laughed at me.
I think you went and smoked. :-P

But we went back inside and you walked over to the Conner boys to talk to them. I went over to look at the pictures, and for the first time that night, I almost started to cry. And you came out of nowhere and gave me a huge hug, then you and I sat with Billy and you held me hand and put your arm around me until I left.
I remember how stone-cold you tried to be when I first met you. Trying to act all tough and stuff, like every other guy. But I actually believed it at first, actually thought you were this super weird kid who didn't feel emotion, lol.
I was wrong though. Took me a few weeks, but easily busted through that "Hard ass" wall of yours.

I remember you kind of helping me to conquer my fear of throwing up, KIND OF. Because you were at my house once, and you were "sick"....
Once you started feeling a little better, I told you to eat something little. Well, being the genius you were, you wolfed down all your dinner and half of mine. So, when you were leaving later you said "I just threw up, you probably don't want to kiss me." And did your little pitiful face. So, I kissed you on your head and hugged you, and you threw up over my shoulder. One of the most unpleasent experiences I have experienced, I do believe..... haha.
I remember after you started feeling better, you came to Wal-Mart on your lunch break. I knew you were coming, but I didn't know you were there. You run up from behind me and picked me up and I screamed a little because you surprised me. You lifted me in the air and all the old ladies looked at my very disapprovingly :P
But I remember it because I looked down at you and you had the biggest brightest smile on your face. I asked why you were in such a good mood and you just shrugged and gave me this really big hug. I miss those hugs. And that smile. Your little chipmunk smile.

I can still remember everything that we ever did or said or fought about or cried about, and I can remember it all pretty clearly.
I remember the time you ruined my french fries. We were arguing for some reason and I yelled at you to slow down. You pulled over and left. Told me I could drive if I wanted to go home. And then you got on the back of the truck and just sat there. I was so mad, I had to be home to do stuff. But you wouldn't get back in the truck until I kissed your head. But that was just acting to get you back into the truck, I was still mad after that :P
But once we got home and went to sleep, you chilled out.

I miss you more than words could ever say. We argued a lot, but didn't really fight. But I would go through all those arguments and fights all over again, if it mean that I could see you and be with you and hear your voice. The whole time I knew you, you were a really great kid. The last couple of months, you turned into a jerk. But I know it wasn't you.
You were always good for looking out for Daniel and Hannah. Helping them out when they needed it. Taking care of us. All of us.

I remember going to the hospital for your Mom. When you picked me up, you were in such a bad mood. You were tired, grumpy, worried, stressed, etc. I remember going down main street and cracking jokes about the rain trying to cheer you up. It took like, 7 seconds to make you smile. :)
But then you flipped out because you hated hospitals, and I offered to get you a plastic bag to breathe into. And you said "You're supposed to breathe into a PAPER bag."
And I said "I know, but you're getting really annoying, I thought that might shut you up"
And you said "OMG, you're trying to suffocate me!"
It really wasn't funny I guess, but you were laughing, so it turned out okay. :P

I just wanted to sit here and talk about Cody for a little while. Makes me feel better to remember. Guess I'm going to get off of here and go eat some cereal.

I changed my phone signature to "Live Free" like you had yours.. This STILL doesn't feel real to me, and I still feel like you're going to come home.
I miss you. I really do.

R.I.P.
My guy, Cody Humble <3
Granny Ruth
Uncle Marcus
Uncle Paul
And Uncle Mike.
I miss you guys.

-LIVE FREE <3