Well...

Found out some truth today from the one friend of yours I ever actually liked and felt like I could trust.
Not really TRUTH, per se, but I got some of my questions answered. And I have a REALLY good feeling that I'm going to get a few more questions answered eventually. And I hope that'll help to let go.

You made such a stupid choice, and I know I should be so mad at you for what you did before, and then for how selfish of a decision you made.
But I can't. I've tried so hard. I want to be mad. Because I know I should.

But my willpower is a little bit exhausted right now. Or maybe I don't have any.
I know I sure as hell should have left in November. But I didn't.
Why ?

I was your family. And I knew it. I meant a lot to you. And I knew it.
And the biggest reason.... I was too attached to the old you, and I thought I could bring him back.
I should have known better when you came to me asking me help. This was much MUCH bigger than anything else. I should have known I couldn't have fixed it on my own. Or the preacher or the stupid neighbor.

I don't even know if Marcus could have fixed this for you. I don't know. I could be wrong.

I want to go home. But home doesn't feel right anymore. Doesn't feel like home. And I like it here, but this isn't home either.
And that's your fault too. Maybe I don't need to find out the answers to my other questions. I know not all of them will actually get answers, some of the answers left with you.

I don't know how I want to feel about this. I don't know if I WANT to be mad. I've been thinking all day about the time you and Daniel and I dyed the tip of Faith's tail. That day was REALLY great. And then things got bad again. But then I remember the time you and Hannah and I made the chicken, a week before you left, and that day was also really good.
It started out bad, we didn't fight, but we both cried and had to talk seriously. And then it was completely chill. You did EVERYTHING to cheer me up, and the day ended great. And when you left, you hugged me and kissed me and you were so sweet.
The last conversation we had might not have been the best, but the last time I saw you, that was good.

I'm done feeling this way. It's way overdue. And maybe not tomorrow or the next day... but I'm eventually going to tuff up again, and grow up, and get my life back on track. God knows I need to.

I do miss you though. I miss you so much it hurts. And I still cry. For you and over you.

rest easy baby.
I love you.

-LIVE FREE ♡