I MISS YOU!

I read this story once about a guy who raped his daughter repeatedly, abused her AND the children, and lived to be 80 something years old.
Thomas wasn't a good man, and he lived to be pretty old too.
Why ?
Marcus died at age 52. He may have occasionally screwed up when he was younger, because who didn't do stupid stuff as a kid ? but he was a really good man. Always taking care of his family, always smiling, always joking around and helping people.
Cody was 19 years old. Another 5 months and he would have been 20.
I always thought 52 was way too young to die, so 19 was especially too young to go.

You went through this with Marcus. You knew how it felt, and then you put a couple hundred people through it.
In a way, I don't understand how you could do this. But then reality hits.
All of your stupid friends are saying that since I was your girlfriend, I should have been able to stop it. Well, if they were good friends, wouldn't they have been able to stop it too ?
But whatever.

This is going to be short. I just wanted to whine for a minute.
This stupid girl actually told me this morning to quit pouting and get over it.
But I don't care. She's just a kid, and the biggest decision she's ever had to make is which color lipgloss to wear that day.

Cody, I love you so much. I miss you like crazy. I remember trying to make a cake that time, you wanted to beat the batter. I told you I would show you how to do it, and you said no, you could do it. I said "Okay, but dont-" And you said "I know, don't lift the beats up."
I plugged it in, turned it on, and you lifted the beaters up. THEN, made me clean up the mess.
I remember the time you came to pick Daniel and I up, and we were all getting in the truck and Jeremy said "Cody, you're a moron"
Daniel hadn't met Jeremy before that day, and he was practically sitting on his lap, haha.
And then halfway to Ararat, "Cody, we've gotta go back, my jackets gone."
I remember the time I made you, Daniel and Hannah all carry a ton of blankets out on the porch and lay there with me and watch the stars. It was around 9 at night and it was, ohh, maybe 35 degrees. You always did suck at handling the cold.
I remember the time you and Daniel and I were laying in the tent and you were swinging the flash light on the string and it clocked me in the head.

I remember Thanksgiving 2009. You had to take Joey to see his girl and you stayed with us an hour longer than you were supposed to. So, I walked you guys out to the truck and you started playing Whatever You Like. You called me as soon as you got to the bottom of the driveway and you talked to me until you were about to lose service. Then you said you wanted another hug and came ALL the way back up and hugged me twice :)

Christmas in 2009. You were trying to hold my hand without Leith seeing, and I was all paranoid :P And you and Daniel were deciding who got Pat and who got Frona.
I remember on Easter, I was telling David over and over again to get in between Jordan and Daniel. He wouldn't though, and I said "CODY!!!!!!!!!" and you knew better, so you went over to them. And David and Leith and I were all picking on you and you turned SO red, it was hilarious.

I remembering going out with You, Dano, Amy, David and Hunter, so you boys could get tattoos. You and Hunter were trying to shoot pool but I kept distracting you ;p
And you bought me roses that day :) And that was the night we let Hunter finish your drink because it was spitty, haha.
Nobody could ever understand us. Nobody ever will.
And I always liked it that way.
I remember all the conversations we would have from across the room without saying a single word. I think some people thought we were crazy... lol

I remember the first serious conversation we always had. For the first millions of times we talked, I kept turning everything into a joke and picking on you and such. But you called me night and you had been fighting with your Dad, so we sat there for four hours and talked about life.
I remember the first time I hugged you.. the morning you made me come see you while you were at my Grandmas, then you left and I made you come back in and hug me, since you hugged Grandma. And later that day, you came back up to bring me ice cream and you asked me a hug again. Marcus said "Naw, you don't have to hug him if you don't want, don't worry about it, nahhh" and we both laughed.
I remember the first time I kissed you. At Grandmas, in her driveway. A long time before we got together. Haha, it was actually thanks to Cookie. And then we argued for a loooong time over who kissed who, siince SOMEBODY was too nervous. I remember watching you be all jumpy and nervous and you kept blushing. I was amazed to see that side of you, but I mean... I had that effect on people. :)

I have so many memories of you. They make me smile to think about, but it also hurts to remember them.

I remember the day you decided it was time to grow up and fix things.
We were sitting on the hood of the truck, it was windy and freezing and neither of us had hoodies on. I told you six months. I would have been more than happy to leave stupid PC with you. And you needed it. I said six months and I would help, and you said YES. You agreed ! You then proceeded to tell me that things WOULD get better, YOU were slowly getting better, etc.
and I believed you....

I remember the last time I saw you.
You spent all day with me. Made dinner with Hannah and I and tried to poison us by undercooking the chicken, haha. You and I laid on the couch eating gummy worms.
Then we got up and danced allll around and sang a lot.
I remember walking you to the truck that night.. You asked if you could come up to say bye the day I went outta town again. You gave me a huge hug and kissed me on my head and said you were so sorry for the all stuff you'd put me through, and then you said
"I love you Tyler, I really do. I'm going to show you how much"
Then you promised to call me when you got home, and you got in the truck.
I started to go back up the sidewalk and you got out and came back over and hugged me again and said thank you. Then you kissed me and pinched my arm, and left.

I'm sure that when a person who doesn't know me comes across this blog, they're going to think I'm mental. But I don't care.
I wish my beliefs were different, because if I believed in what everybody else does, then I would know I was going to see you again someday. You, Marcus, Mike, Granny, and Paul.
I miss everything babe...
I miss the 5am phone calls because you didn't want to be lonely on the way to work.
I remember picking on so many people because you and I got the joke and they didn't understand sarcasm.
I remember talking to two of your buddies and they asked about your mits, and I was like "wait wait, you forgot to tell me this bit" and they both cracked up and apologized like crazy for getting you in trouble.
I miss the hours and hours and hours spent on the phone, or watching movies together, or napping. I miss you taking care of me when I was sick. I miss randomly going to see Wanda and talking to her about the boys and us and just whatever came to mind.
I miss riding around with you and Daniel. I miss your crazy singing and your crazy laugh. I miss 3way calls with you and Hunter. I even miss seeing you mad.
I miss your dancing. I miss watching Pineapple Express and eating tater tots. I miss you bringing me ice cream. I miss eating EVERY FREAKIN THING with you because we were bored. I miss getting in trouble with you, and even more, AVOIDING trouble. I miss walking around walmart, me being stupid and you trying to rush me out because you were embarassed. I miss dance parties in the WM parking lot to 2step.
I remember when we first met you, Daniel was being goofy and hanging all over you. Then you got a little concerned, and then you concerned him by hanging all over him too. I think you were one of his closest friends...
I miss everything that we had, that we did, that we avoided, that we talked about, decided, wanted, etc. I miss planning life out with you. I'll never get to do those plans now.

I remember the time we were on our way home and we decided to stop and see Granny. I hadn't known you very long yet and I thought it was THE FUNNIEST thing when we parked and you got out first. I was getting out on your side and Daniel was on the other side getting out. he accidentally dropped something and you jumped a MILLION feet and said "WHAT WAS THAT?!" and got back into the truck, lmao. I had to hold your hand and get you back outta the truck... .Scared of graveyards, I never would have guessed. :P
You made me feel so happy and complete.
I love you.. and I always will.
And seriously, the next person that tells me to grow up or stop pouting, I'm gonna smack em.

-LIVE FREE ♡